I bpian an ghrá
by saddest of machines
Summary: Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette, A lifeless face you'll soon forget


Chapter 1: Youth

Skout sat at the train station, the backpack she went back for was almost as heavy as her heart. Toth hated her and nothing was going to change that, especially since she was most likely to never see her again. That being said, she still clung to the fantasy that maybe Toth would try to find her one day, considering that she hadn't been thrown off the cliff. Even with that in mind, she boarded the train anyway. She didn't know what was going happen to Nomad, he most certainly wasn't safe but that was a secondary thought.

The year was 1865, five years since Toth made what she considered to be the biggest mistake of her life, even worse, it resulted in the death of an innocent creature all for absolutely nothing. God how she wished she could take it all back, that she listened to Skout and helped The Nomad. The Nomad tried to bring magic back to the world, he would've helped her people so Toth took up his old mission herself; the only problem was that there weren't too many magic users left. Recently, however, she heard about a woman who could do magic way up north and while she did have her doubts, she figured that she might as well go.

A week or so of long, boring train rides later, Toth arrived at what she had been told was "the witch's house". It was a bit rundown but she had expected way worse. Toth was incredibly nervous and the anxiety was killing her but she had to do it, she had to know. After a few minutes, she worked up the courage to knock on the door but when it opened, her blood ran cold. The woman in front of her had long, ratty, dull orange hair and lifeless green eyes, she was bit taller than the last time Toth saw her; she was malnourished and sickly but despite that there was no mistaking who it was.

"Skout?"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" the woman spoke in a cold tone and Toth couldn't help but notice the smell of tobacco emanating from her. As surprising as her looks were, her foul mouth was what caught Toth off guard.

"I don't even know where to begin."

"Well maybe you should start with the fact that you are responsible for the death of Nowhere's only true hope and M-" Skout started to sob uncontrollably without any warning and her fists started to glow, which looking at Skout's demeanor, seemed to drain her energy quite quickly.

"I didn't realize The Nomad was innocent until it was too late and for that I sincerely apologize."

"Sorry ain't gonna cut it, his blood isn't the only blood on your hands and you took away more than you think." Skout's words were hard to understand due to her sobbing but either way, Toth was confused. Sure, people had died by her hand before but not in recent memory and by recent she meant since the nomad had been killed.

Her thoughts were interrupted however, Skout's sobs were getting quieter, she sounded exhausted. Her hands weren't glowing anymore, Toth caught her before she hit the ground.Toth didn't really know what to do but she noticed the front door was still open; she quickly picked her up bridal style and rushed inside.

Skout's house was a mess, mugs and cigarettes littered her counters; there were papers all over the floor as well as chalk summoning circles. There were open books, more papers on the wall and a lone chair with a table covered in herbs and crystals. Further down there were a couple doors. Toth had no idea which one was the right one, she opened one of the doors; she had made a lucky guess.

Skout's bedroom was considerably cleaner but there was still paper all over the walls, however, these ones were blueprints instead of alchemical symbols but some of them were sketches of her, nomad and a woman she had never seen before. She laid Skout down on her bed and looked around. There were a few actual photos and one in particular caught her eye, it was Skout and the unknown woman from the sketches... they were wearing wedding dresses. Toth took down the photo and looked at the back; there was a note:

_Skout,_

_I hope this joy lasts forever, this has been the best two years of my life and I hope we have many more together!_

_Love, your wife (I'll never get over the fact that I can say that!),_

_Rosalind_

Toth was dumbfounded, Skout was married. Sure, she felt a painful tug on her heart but really the only question she had was whether or not Rosalind would be home soon, would she be mad? Oh fuck, if Skout told her about how she and Toth originally parted ways then she was royally screwed. On top of being worried about Skout's wife finding out she really couldn't help but feel jealous but at the same time, even though she felt like she had no right to. Toth looked back at Skout who was starting to stir; Toth put the photo back and sat beside Skout. It was a few minutes before she actually woke up,

"Oh so this wasn't a dream" Skout seemed to mutter that more to herself then Toth.

"No I'm really here if you can believe it." the two women sat in silence for a few minutes. The atmosphere was tense and awkward, Toth was trying to look for a good starting topic but luckily she didn't need to.

"Fuck! My head!" Skout hissed, causing Toth to look at her with concern. Skout was clutching her hair by the fistful.

"Skout," Toth started eyeing her up and down, "when was the last time you've eaten? Or had water?"

"No idea, nowadays I tend to sustain myself with magic… and cigarettes, I don't know if it's healthy but hey, I'm still alive, ain't I?"

"Honestly, if you're as malnourished as you look, then I'd say you won't be for long. I'm making you lunch; we have a lot to catch up on." Toth's tone was stern but she didn't want to sound mean, after all, they didn't exactly leave off on the best terms.

"I have stuff in the 2nd pantry to the right, next to the front door," Skout sighed "I'll be up in a minute." and with that, Toth smiled and left the room.

**_A/N: i bpian an ghrá means "lovesick/suffering from love" in Gaeilge! If I am wrong though please forgive me, i am only just learning, I chose this title because I headcanon Skout as a second generation Irish immigrant who grew up speaking both Gaeilge and English (I myself am actually a second generation British immigrant but I honest to god hate England so I tend to disregard that part of my heritage, as far as I'm concerned, I'm German and Irish). I've had this fic in the works since I think episode 9 but since I usually handwrite everything, it took a while to type._**


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